they need to just BURY HIM!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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