Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize