she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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