I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
