I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
