every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
