Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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