So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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