Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
