Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
