Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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