i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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