Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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