You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
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What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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