If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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