i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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