Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
