Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
