Welp...herpes.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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