I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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