'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
