Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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