Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
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He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
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My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
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