Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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