is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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