I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
