youre lurking in front of me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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