I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
