do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Randomize
