she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
