Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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