I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
