I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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