WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
