i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
