A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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