i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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