Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
