I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Randomize
