Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
