Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
And then he peed in my hair
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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