grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
