He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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