If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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