Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
