Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
