is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
