I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
