I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
