Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
