you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
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I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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