DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
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After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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