i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
