I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i can't believe i had my finger in that
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Please don't give away my fajitas
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
