we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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