After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
