dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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