I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
