I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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