I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
