Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Pants 0. Shit 1.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
